Archive for category the bad
little oceans
Posted by Daniel in the bad, the observations, the understanding on November 7, 2011
misplaced priority and
a rushed moment
collide
leaving behind little oceans
as big as my entire heart
we are drawn to happiness.
anything else rarely results in learning
unless we aim to teach avoidance.
especially in a child.
more little oceans form.
entire seas
requiring nail upon bitten nail,
lip upon pulled lip,
and every waking moment
until I see her smiling face again
to dry them up.
two opposing lessons
Posted by Daniel in the bad, the good, the needs, the observations, the understanding on January 23, 2011
I’m realizing now, more than ever, that I have a really hard time simply asking for what I want.
I’m not the kind of person to blame my own faults on past circumstances, but it does help to go over what might have reinforced bad thinking.
I’ve always had low self-esteem. Slowly, in one life area at a time, that’s getting better. But this personal stuff (friends, love, sex, etc), that’s still the last part to go.
the breaking point
Posted by Daniel in the bad, the understanding on October 11, 2010
Most people that know me don’t know the side of me that absolutely breaks down in a stressful situation. That’s because it doesn’t happen in every stressful situation. In fact, I’m really good under pressure. But in certain cases, on certain days, in certain situations, I lose it. I become a bad friend, a bad father, and a terrible person. I remain on the edge of frustration long after it happens.
the eyes of a child
Posted by Daniel in the bad, the understanding on March 22, 2010
I am almost always ready for anything. I adapt quickly, I learn fast, I roll with the punches, I make the best out of every situation, and I can have fun doing almost anything. The downside to that, however, is as severe as Kryptonite is to Superman: when I’m out, I’m really really OUT.
One of the biggest benefits of having a partner, especially when children are involved, is being able to “tag out” of something when the situation becomes too complicated or poorly-matched to your strong suits. And I don’t mean partner as in “spouse”. I mean any kind of person who is regularly around, chooses to be a part of your life, intermingles their life with yours, and takes an active interest in the well being and happiness of you and those that you care about.
Pulling out the Thorn
Friday night I made a giant leap toward making life better for my daughter and I. My expectations for a specific relationship on our lives was set far too high. Not higher than they should be. Not even close. But higher than reality supported. Higher than they would meet, despite constant confirmation that they would. On top of that, I was carrying the relationship on my end as though it was what I wanted on both sides.
expectations
where it settles
My expectations continue to let me down. I am learning that the difference between what I expect and what really occurs often equates to the level of my frustration or, as I learn to manage it, simple disappointment.
postponing overwhelm
another tunnel
I’ve been tricking myself lately. Surprisingly, it’s been working, but I’m not sure for how much longer.
a waste
the longest field
It’s 4:00am and my alarm is ringing. I usually wake up naturally no later than 5. But not today. Not any more. I fumble with it, no longer used to it’s buttons and switches, and eventually silence it. I take a deep breath and look at the clock again. It’s 4:02am.
awake alone
Most nights, the easiest way for both of us to get my daughter to sleep is to lay down in bed next to her. We’ll read a book, then turn out the light and sing a few songs. Then we take a deep breath and relax into sleep.
It’s so comfortable that, usually, I end up falling asleep myself. Which means that I tend to be up at odd hours of the night and for most of the morning.
deep unrest
wandering woods