Comments on: on child rearing and parenting http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/ without definite shape Wed, 14 Jul 2010 21:32:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: leesawmay http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-47 leesawmay Sat, 09 Jan 2010 21:16:00 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-47 Awesome. Awesome.

]]> By: leesawmay http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-28 leesawmay Sat, 09 Jan 2010 15:16:00 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-28 Awesome. Awesome.

]]> By: Daniel http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-24 Daniel Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:53:45 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-24 Mine does the same thing to some extent. She'll get mad at me and she'll do something non-constructive (or, downright destructive) as a way of ... punishing me, I guess. The stance I've taken so far goes something like this. First I tell her she shouldn't be mean or upset or angry. Then I ask her what she really wants. Then I just let her do whatever it is she's going to do (unless it's destructive, which case I remove her or the destructive items from her path). As she calms down, I ask her again until she finally says what it is that she really wants. Then we resolve that issue (usually, I'll give her whatever it is, I just didn't know what she wanted in the first place).<br><br>And I think you're right. She's so very slowly -- yet most certainly moving -- headed toward being more and more okay with it. My hope is that if a) she likes the person and b) I tell her it's okay, then that will be enough to make her comfortable. If she doesn't like someone, then I don't expect her to be with them. I only know of two people she might even consider staying with for more than a few hours: you and my friend Ramona. But we see the two of you a lot. And everyone else not so much. Mine does the same thing to some extent. She'll get mad at me and she'll do something non-constructive (or, downright destructive) as a way of … punishing me, I guess. The stance I've taken so far goes something like this. First I tell her she shouldn't be mean or upset or angry. Then I ask her what she really wants. Then I just let her do whatever it is she's going to do (unless it's destructive, which case I remove her or the destructive items from her path). As she calms down, I ask her again until she finally says what it is that she really wants. Then we resolve that issue (usually, I'll give her whatever it is, I just didn't know what she wanted in the first place).

And I think you're right. She's so very slowly — yet most certainly moving — headed toward being more and more okay with it. My hope is that if a) she likes the person and b) I tell her it's okay, then that will be enough to make her comfortable. If she doesn't like someone, then I don't expect her to be with them. I only know of two people she might even consider staying with for more than a few hours: you and my friend Ramona. But we see the two of you a lot. And everyone else not so much.

]]> By: Emily http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-23 Emily Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:15:38 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-23 For me the hardest part of disciplining has been, when she KNOWS she doing something wrong, she knows why its wrong, and she does it anyway. Over and over and over. Also, she's now old enough to understand how to intentionally be mean. She pretty much only does this when she is mad at me about something else, but it's still hard when I say she shouldn't be mean and she'll reply, "I want to be mean!" Those two things are very difficult to deal with without losing my cool.<br><br>Also, regarding the babysitting issue, that gets easier as well. Now, we have always had mother-in-law, and Lily has pretty much always happily gone with her, since she started doing it routinely so young. However, she went through several months (mostly before she was 2) where she didn't want to watch us leave. It was ok if she was leaving with MIL, or if she left with MIL and came back and we were gone (of course, we told her we'd be gone when she got back). But now, she very happily escorts us out the door. She's also happy to stay with my parents, whereas that was more difficult before because she only saw them every couple of months. I bet she'd even happily stay with you for a while, but I know even 6 or 7 months ago, there's no way it would have worked.<br><br>Now we're still a ways off from having her stay someone she doesn't know that well, or staying at one of those drop-your-kid-off play centers. But it'll happen. For me the hardest part of disciplining has been, when she KNOWS she doing something wrong, she knows why its wrong, and she does it anyway. Over and over and over. Also, she's now old enough to understand how to intentionally be mean. She pretty much only does this when she is mad at me about something else, but it's still hard when I say she shouldn't be mean and she'll reply, “I want to be mean!” Those two things are very difficult to deal with without losing my cool.

Also, regarding the babysitting issue, that gets easier as well. Now, we have always had mother-in-law, and Lily has pretty much always happily gone with her, since she started doing it routinely so young. However, she went through several months (mostly before she was 2) where she didn't want to watch us leave. It was ok if she was leaving with MIL, or if she left with MIL and came back and we were gone (of course, we told her we'd be gone when she got back). But now, she very happily escorts us out the door. She's also happy to stay with my parents, whereas that was more difficult before because she only saw them every couple of months. I bet she'd even happily stay with you for a while, but I know even 6 or 7 months ago, there's no way it would have worked.

Now we're still a ways off from having her stay someone she doesn't know that well, or staying at one of those drop-your-kid-off play centers. But it'll happen.

]]> By: Jim Reverend http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-22 Jim Reverend Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:03:55 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-22 And yeah... you're right. We are pretty similar I'd guess. At least in that regard. And yeah… you're right. We are pretty similar I'd guess. At least in that regard.

]]> By: Jim Reverend http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-21 Jim Reverend Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:59:20 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-21 No. You're right. Punishment is better. I'm changing my mind (and my post). No. You're right. Punishment is better. I'm changing my mind (and my post).

]]> By: Jim Reverend http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-20 Jim Reverend Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:56:09 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-20 You're right. It's not 100% correct only because discipline means several different things. I debated using that word specifically for a while, and finally decided to stick with it. My main reason was that the word "punish" is too weak. Because I don't scold or reprimand or any of those other things that are part of discipline. I do teach. As a verb, discipline is a synonym for BOTH teach and punish. Which, is really sort of sad if you think about it. You're right. It's not 100% correct only because discipline means several different things. I debated using that word specifically for a while, and finally decided to stick with it. My main reason was that the word “punish” is too weak. Because I don't scold or reprimand or any of those other things that are part of discipline. I do teach. As a verb, discipline is a synonym for BOTH teach and punish. Which, is really sort of sad if you think about it.

]]> By: Emily http://amo.rpho.us/2009/12/on-child-rearing-and-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-19 Emily Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:49:37 +0000 http://amo.rpho.us/?p=71#comment-19 I think it is incorrect to say you don't discipline. Discipline simply means to teach. You teach her all the time, right from wrong. Just because you don't use punishment, doesn't mean you don't discipline.<br><br>Here is an interesting article: <a href="http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/" rel="nofollow">http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-dis...</a><br>I think you are probably very similar to her WRT discipline. I think it is incorrect to say you don't discipline. Discipline simply means to teach. You teach her all the time, right from wrong. Just because you don't use punishment, doesn't mean you don't discipline.

Here is an interesting article: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-dis...
I think you are probably very similar to her WRT discipline.

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