another tunnel
I’ve been tricking myself lately. Surprisingly, it’s been working, but I’m not sure for how much longer.
I often get overwhelmed with the material aspects of life. There are so many little projects I’d like to do. So many things that need to be taken care of. So much that needs to either be bought, or sold, or borrowed, or thrown away. And because the live I live seems to be multipathed at times, often these things are in conflict with one another.
The trick I’ve been playing with myself is to give myself a set date in the future until which I can safely not think about a particular problem. I’ve given myself until March to worry about credit card payoffs. I’ve given myself until the middle of next year to get my IRA and 401k back in line. I’ve given myself until January to worry about my divorce. I’ve given myself until January to work out my business plan and start getting websites and advertising going again. These big things have worked out okay so far, but that is probably because none of them have had their time come up yet.
Smaller tasks I put off in one week to two month intervals depending on the task. I tell myself there is too much more important stuff going on at the time and I give myself a pass until that future date. It works. I manage to let go of it and forget about it and just let it be what it is. When their time comes around again, sometimes, I put my mind to it and work it out. Other times, I decide on the spot that there is too much going on and postpone it for another interval. I’m okay with either of these though, obviously, doing the task seems like a better option.
Most of this is working out okay. By freeing my mind from senseless, fruitless worry, I’ve become more productive both physically and mentally. In addition, I’m under a lot less stress which makes me a happier, healthier person. My daughter and I go more places and do more things than I ever did before. It feels like almost every weekend is a vacation. Despite that, my house feels more clean on average than it was in the past 6 years. My credit card debt is lower than it’s been in 3 years. Most of my meals are planned ahead of time with plenty of backups in the pantry. I’m eating healthier. Large cleaning projects (like pantries and cupboards) are getting done. I’m reading books again. I’ve managed to start several savings plans including one for my daughter and a Stock Investment account. All in all, things are better. Way better.
But, I’m starting to trade one worry for another. What doesn’t work is when I stop to think about how many times I’ve postponed a task and how many more times I’ll have to before I manage to actually do it. This means that it’s becoming harder and harder for me to just postpone something on the spot. Instead I spend time thinking about if I’ll ever be able to get it done, if I should just pay someone to do it, or if I should postpone it out even further to keep it as far away from me as possible. On mornings like today, several things come crashing into place at once and I’m overwhelmed again.