Amorphous

the pressure to change

Writing proved more difficult, primarily because one had to have something to say before confronting the blank page.

– Keith Donohue // The Stolen Child

I’m a fence sitter. The whole world, myself included, wants to pile people and things up behind these nicely designed labels with the pretty typeface — little curls where the serifs should be — made boldly on one of those label makers that requires pressure to press each letter into the plastic that now holds it. But I sit on the lines between the labels, unwilling to commit myself to any single designation mostly out of fear of assigning myself some creed or responsibility that I didn’t realize came along with the title when I took it.

When it comes to spiritual beliefs, I subscribe to aspects of several religions and even a few others that I’ve only heard spoken in the reserved company of trusted men.

When it comes to my raising children, I subscribe to many of the aspects of Waldorf education yet believe in the child-led ways of the Montessori method. And yet in all of that, I believe in many of the concepts of the “free range kid”, entrusting children to live IN the world instead of watching it through a pane of glass.

When it comes to relationships, I have the loyalty of the monogamist and yet an insatiable curiosity and desire for new connections. I have respect for the Polygamist and yet understand the weight of reality when a choice is forced. I am an Introvert with strongly Extroverted tendencies.

Being labeled makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be connected to everyone else who has that same label as labels are often taken regardless of true belief. The acceptance of any label seems to give other wearers of that label free license to insist that I change to become even more like the label I ware. Yet remaining unlabeled makes other people uncomfortable, denying their desire — one that I hold myself — to put everything away into an easily understood category.

So here I sit, for now, on the fence. Until I find a label that suits me just right, or invent one of my own.

(If you are interested in reading an elaboration of my beliefs in any of the above — or even some other unmentioned category — please let me know. Maybe I’ll make an article out of it.)