Amorphous

tighter circles

There was a time, not too long ago, when I believed that there was simply no way anyone would want to be wrong. I certainly didn’t want to be wrong. If I held on to some incorrect assumption or false bit of information and someone more knowledgeable on the topic set me straight, I was nothing but grateful. It only made sense to me that others would want to be corrected too. And if I had any interested in a topic, then I wanted to know everything. I assumed others worked in this same fashion.

So I freely and often shared information with anyone and everyone that seemed interested in the topic at hand or that seemed to be filled with misinformation.

This carried on further. For me, it often wasn’t enough to just be right, I had to also be complete. I needed to make sure that nothing important was being left out. This applied to obvious things like concrete knowledge, facts, evidence, and science. But it also applied to understanding how other people felt and believed. I didn’t want to guess, or assume, opr infer. I needed to KNOW. And I didn’t want just the answer to the obvious question. I needed to be certain that I wasn’t ignorant due to omission.

I have since learned that there is a certain peace in not knowing. I still don’t want to be wrong, but I can accept simply not knowing. I can find peace in the thought that, if I need to know I have the ability to do so, but that it’s not requirement for happiness and, in fact, can signify the opposite of happiness.

I can also accept that sometimes sticking with intuition is better, safer, and filled with more knowledge than actually trying to find out what’s right. Often, when information isn’t offered freely, or presented upon inquiry, then no matter how much prying I do because of my “need” to know, the information I get will never be correct or complete. However, my intuition, and my inference of reality based on action, statement, and what is hidden can be very useful if not tainted will false information supplied under the pressure of confrontation.