Archive for October, 2009
a waste
the longest field
It’s 4:00am and my alarm is ringing. I usually wake up naturally no later than 5. But not today. Not any more. I fumble with it, no longer used to it’s buttons and switches, and eventually silence it. I take a deep breath and look at the clock again. It’s 4:02am.
awake alone
Most nights, the easiest way for both of us to get my daughter to sleep is to lay down in bed next to her. We’ll read a book, then turn out the light and sing a few songs. Then we take a deep breath and relax into sleep.
It’s so comfortable that, usually, I end up falling asleep myself. Which means that I tend to be up at odd hours of the night and for most of the morning.
deep unrest
wandering woods
Holding it Down
Looking Beyond Now
There is almost nothing wrong or bad in my life big enough or important enough to merit complaining about. If you know me, you know that’s huge. I have always had something going wrong, something upsetting me, or something that needs improving. Make no mistake, I still do. But none of those things are worth ruining a day over or losing sleep over or stopping the fun that I’m having in order to figure it out. I can’t even begin to explain to you how good that feels.
Expectations
Posted by Daniel in Uncategorized on October 13, 2009
For me, expectation is the biggest source of frustration. Not expectation itself. Unmet expectation. Both expectations I have of myself, that I have of others, and that others have of me.
I’m slowly learning that the key to calmness and peace is to start early, over prepare, have a backup plan, give yourself twice as much time as you need, make no apologies for the discomfort of others, and take lots of time to enjoy every little moment of the things you do get done. Read the rest of this entry »Betrayal
Posted by Daniel in Uncategorized on October 9, 2009
I think I’m feeling betrayed.
The kiddo had a restless night thanks to her having a hard tine digestibg what she ate for dinner last night. Each time she woke I woke from yet another bad dream in which someone betrayed me. Usually it was in some small but significant manner. A couple of times it was something really serious. In most cases it was my mom (in Texas) betraying me. In my dream, at one point I said to her “your lack of respect for me and your unwillingness to sacrifice any of your time for my daughter means that you deserve neither of us. ” Read the rest of this entry »I’m always right
Posted by Daniel in Uncategorized on October 2, 2009
tighter circles
There was a time, not too long ago, when I believed that there was simply no way anyone would want to be wrong. I certainly didn’t want to be wrong. If I held on to some incorrect assumption or false bit of information and someone more knowledgeable on the topic set me straight, I was nothing but grateful. It only made sense to me that others would want to be corrected too. And if I had any interested in a topic, then I wanted to know everything. I assumed others worked in this same fashion.